..Sometimes, quite literally.
Many a schoolyard Valentine couple courted, paired, and almost as quickly, separated under the galvanised (and galvanising) steel, imposing and unyielding framework embodied by the “Monkey-Bar”
“Monkey-Bars” (a reductionist rephrasing of “Bars climbed by the offspring of Homo sapiens”) were also the silent witness to many a consummating kiss, bottle “spun” , dare-met or truth-told, not to mention the occasional, clandestine, midnight ritual of adult impersonation that involved cigarette-smoking and consumption of alcohol –traditionally stolen from the family liquor cabinet or procured by an older sibling.
They were also a secret weapon. A deceptively simple and robust instrument intended to lure, trap and eliminate small children.
Their design was clearly flawed as they only served to maim and temporarily incapacitate their remarkably resilient victims.
The others learned vicariously and stayed away or, became adept at hanging upside-down, walking atop the framework, or leaping and swinging from bar to bar. They became the high-rise Window Cleaners, Adventure Guides, Roofing plumbers and Antenna-Installers of today!
As part of a secret, coordinated plan to control population, “Monkey-Bars” (along with unanchored backyard swing sets, uncontrollable billy-carts without brakes or helmets, legal fireworks and Bindeez) proved to be largely ineffective for their intended purpose.
On the contrary; we children survived and (mostly) prospered, eliminating the dangers of our youth along the way via legislation, rounded edges and inordinate quantities of soft padding…
..and that’s just in the First World!
Other unforeseen impacts resulting from the presence of Monkey-bars include:
- A steady stream of maimed children with overly-concerned parents as a principal funding source for a slew of local medical practitioners.
- An environment where you can quite literally “fall” for someone and be “dropped” -almost in the same session.
- Inspiration for a clothes-horse.
- Somewhere to store excess children.
As a 10yrs-old on Valentine’s Day when, under the school playground Monkey-Bars, the object of my affection -backed by a handful of her minders- delivered her chilling message..:
“You’re dropped!”
The current object of my affection was similarly, positioned at the opposite end with a gaggle of minders and interested parties assembled behind and alongside. A formidable backdrop indeed.
Upon reflection the scene almost reminds me of the classic TV Western standard: A windblown and dusty main street, bookended by two, scowling protagonists, Gunslingers, staring each other down, poised to outdraw and shoot the opponent…
..except, they were greater in number.
In reality, it was much more one-sided and akin to a “lamb to the slaughter”
I’d like to pretend it was a bit of both….
I had been called into “the office”. The occasion being, the love of my (10yrs-long) life informing me that my services were no longer required.
..in not so many words..
And, just like that, our roller-coaster relationship of two weeks’, was over by her hand.
The conversation was brief. The message of termination was conveyed quickly and succinctly using verbal and non verbal cues. It immediately banished all questions and simultaneously, precluded any further discussion,.
We all parted ways with a common understanding of the outcome.
In today’s terms: the intent was rapidly executed via a very brief (albeit effective), face-to-face exchange between the key stakeholders and witnesses.
With the prevalence of impersonal, text-based communications I would wager it seems much more difficult to accurately communicate a message that could be effectively delivered in person in a few words or less!
In seconds…
..at 10yrs old!
Could it be that, as we became adults, we unlearned?